Whitney Finucane wasn’t sure how and when she would talk with her son, Nico, about the shooting. She kissed and hugged him when he came out from kindergarten at Dr. Martin Luther King Elementary in Providence, R.I., on Dec. 14.

“I don’t know how to explain insanity and evil to a 5-year-old,” she said. “I don’t know that he can really grasp it.”

Even the youngest schoolchildren are likely to hear about it, said Glenn Saxe, chairman of the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone Medical Center.

“It’s really important, especially at this time, for parents to check in with their kids, to be attuned to how they’re feeling, how they’re doing, and to answer questions honestly and straightforwardly,” he said. “For any other kid in school, this has meaning. Parents need to understand that even in surprising ways, this can affect their kids.”

Parents and educators can start by asking children what they’ve already heard and what questions they have, said Dr. David Schonfeld, a pediatrician and director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center. If they ask why someone would do something like this, it’s OK to say you don’t know.

“I wouldn’t provide false reassurance or dismiss legitimate concerns,” he said. “We don’t help children by telling them they shouldn’t be afraid of things that are frightening.”

See also:

After unspeakable tragedy, a search for answers

Leaders eye school safety plans after Connecticut attack

Could Sandy Hook shooting be a gun-control tipping point?

School safety resources from the eSN archives

Parents can tell their kids, “What is most important is that you’re safe and you’re going to be safe,” said Dr. Louis Kraus, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.

Above all, adults need to try to help children feel safe, he said. Helping kids return to or maintain normal routines can help minimize their anxiety, Kraus said.

Some children might ask the same questions over and over as a way to seek reassurance, and parents and educators shouldn’t dismiss them, said Dr. David Fassler, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Burlington, Vt.

“Acknowledge and validate the child’s thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Let them know that you think their questions and concerns are important and appropriate,” he said.

Parents of young children should keep their children from hearing reports on TV, radio, and social media and to closely monitor exposure to media for all children, several experts said. Children who show persistent signs of anxiety and stress, including recurring nightmares or sleep problems and fears about leaving home, should see their pediatrician or a mental health expert, Kraus said.

While parents might feel the need to teach their children what do in such an emergency, the next few days is not the time to develop or bring up your family’s disaster preparedness or to teach your young children to dial 911, Saxe said.